As any of you who deal with chronic pain knows, there is a simple rule that defines much of what we do physically: I like to call it The Cost-Benefit Equation. If we are mindful of our condition, we carefully weigh each activity we do with the thoughts "If I do this, what will the effect on my back be? Will it be worth the pain?"
Sometimes my personal limitations make me feel like saying, "What the heck-- I'm going for it!" Like yesterday...
...in a flurry of love and affection for my five year old, I picked her up and swirled her around, and around, and around... her giggles made my heart swell at least three sizes. She could definitely appreciate the moment saying, "Mommy, you can pick me up now?!".
In moments like these, I am not always thinking about The Cost-Benefit Equation. This morning, I feel The Cost of that wonderful moment-- I feel like someone has taken a baseball bat to my back and right leg. Fun? Not so much. But the pain, I am told, will always be there. It will be a lifelong journey of "managing the pain". The choice to engage in certain activities will be, thoughtfully, mine.
I will always choose the swirls and the giggles. The Benefits from these moments are immeasurable.
You know what's interesting to me is that we all live with the cost-benefit equation, the thing is I don't think many of us are very good at seeing how cause will effect the equation. You've now got an area of your life where cause and effect are pretty clear - sounds like both a blessing and a curse.
ReplyDeleteI'm a 23 year old who is taking my first steps toward a neurostimulator after 3 1/2 years of low back and sciatic pain, many procedures, therapies and a surgery. I am so glad I came across your blog!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I am not a mother, I can only imagine how difficult it would be for me to carry a child for 9 months, let alone pick them up play with them in future. I have a 22 month old nephew and yesterday was the first time I was unable to pick him in his life.
This was the first pose I've seen so far, and I am going to read the rest. Thank you for sharing your journey! I hope now, 13 months since you've posted this, you are still feeling relief
Sara
smsokolow@gmail.com
Good luck to you on your journey, Sara!
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